These draw_ings came up during the process of a radical self inquiry. I developed with reflection to autofictional ethnography and artistic methods of drawing an artistic research methodology that was put together in the publication of "Ich bin ein Anderer/ I am an Other", bahoe books, 2016.

"I just drew the gorilla all the time and could not stop, but he also reminded me that I am allowed to wish and to express my wishes. I wanted to become more of what I am and therefore he protected me and took care of me. It was even like I felt myself becoming the gorilla more and more or the gorilla was becoming more and more a part of me. The gorilla also changed during this time and took different forms of shapes in the same way as my self-image transformed. This process of self-imagination encouraged me in such a way that I started to deal with my other weaknesses, failures, lack of successes, inadequacies and insecurities. It was almost a pleasure to create meaning out of experiences, to re-write and read them anew and to be able to laugh again about myself. Sometimes it was painful, sometimes it was easier to look back, but it was crazy healing." (2016: 9)